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My Kitchen Doesn’t Rule – The Bachelor Australia Recap S5 E9

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We’re more than halfway through The Bachelor Australia Season 5. Do we have any front runners? Yes. (Well at least I think so. And so does Sportsbet.) Have we booted all the villains/comedic relief? No. Are we still going to persevere with the show anyway? Hells yes. Let’s kick off the recap of Ep 9!

Hockeryroo Elise, Jennifer de Vil, Cobie Coal Miner and Simone get picked for a group date.

Bachie assembles the girls in front of some rented house only to announce that one of their parents will be joining the group date. Hockeryroo Elise and Cobie Coal Miner’s dads, Jennifer de Vil’s mum and Simone’s sister mother arrive. The girls start bawling, Bachie starts to shed a tear and it’s all very emotional.


The emotional reunion then turns into an episode of My Kitchen Rules, with each father/mother/sister-daughter duo tasked at impressing Bachie with their domestic superiority.

Bachie surveys the duos while they cook to take scorecard notes. Hockeyroo Elise’s dad takes the opportunity to ask Bachie why his daughter hasn’t had a single date. Bachie now thinks that’s a brilliant idea.

As the meals come out, all girls except Jennifer de Vil nod their approval. Jen mentions to her mum that Bachie has been friendzoning her throughout the entire show approximately 6,204 times.

Bachie then admits that even though this wasn’t an extended episode of My Kitchen Rules, which Jen points out several times she’s clearly won, he’s chosen to take Elise aside for one-on-one time to impress once more with her ‘family values’ and general admiration for him.


Hockeryroo Elise asks Bachie very sensible questions about why she hasn’t had a single date after all this time now that he’s already moved on to taking girls on second dates. Bachie rebuts that there hasn’t been enough time to take girls on dates. Elise’s point still stands. She gets a rose and a cheek kiss. Poor Elise.

The next day, Bachie arrives at the Mansion on camelback, with a seat available for one single date. He suggests the camel and the tandem bike are quite similar, and Tara CYA MATE The Nanny flips out that she’s scored the second second date. Michelle the Manhandler and Jennifer de Vil are seething.

Bachie and Tara CYA MATE arrive at an exotic picnic. They drink tea. Does Tara love tea? I love tea. My name starts with a T. Bachie erupts with laughter. We’re off to a good start.


A belly dancer appears with her pet snake, summoning the pair to shake their hips or risk a reptile apocalypse. Bachie admits he’s really terrible, which gives us uncanny flashbacks to his smooch-filled dance fest on a boat with Georgia Love last year.

We’re back at the house. Michelle the Manhandler and Jennifer de Vil, still seething and single-date-less, contemplate that Tara must think she’s a real front runner “for some reason”.

Tara CYA MATE’s second single date is going well, there’s a pash, she gets a rose, and the rest of Australia finds it eerily difficult to enjoy this date, knowing full well Tara will be the next Nikki, inevitably bowing out to Georgia Love 2.0.

At the Cocktail Party, Jennifer de Vil is pulling out all the stops to get Bachie to notice her. She’s moved onto Round 2 of My Kitchen Rules, making an assortment of desserts to win over the Bach which are probably just as incredible as I am.


While he eats, she interrogates. Jennifer de Vil reveals to camera that the reason why men don’t want to spend more time with her is because she intimidates them, not anything to do with her two-faced personality or arrogance, or Game on molls catchphrase.

Now at the Rose Ceremony, Jennifer de Vil is feeling extra confident. She receives a rose fourth last. The final three are Non-Intruder Elora, Simone and Michelle the Manhandler. Simone gets a rose. Non-Intruder Elora gets a rose. The cop is sent packing, no doubt to rack up a few speeding fines for old mate Bach.

Feature image via Giphy.

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