Dat Ass: The Bachelor Australia Recap S5 E6
We’re on Episode 6, cutting straight back to last night’s cliff-hanging Rose Ceremony. Sian gets singled out mid-Ceremony and immediately booted from the house, Bachie then delivers a convincing ‘I’m not some puppet that’s just been told what to do’ line to the remaining girls and everyone can get on with this madhouse.
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Now that we’ve got that uneventful Rose Ceremony out the way, it’s time for Tara CYA MATE The Nanny to burst out of the friendzone with her single date!
Beginning with a shrieking Tara hoisted onto the back of a tandem bike like the torturous equivalent of dangling from a cliff, we’re off to a terrible start.
But behold, in a makeshift Masterchef Italy special, Bachie gets treated to some sweet, sweet objectification with totally stoked CYA MATE Tara loudly and repeatedly praising his tight bootay.
After the kitchen ogle, the pair retire to a couch, where we learn Tara has more in her vocab than ‘devo’, ‘stoked’ and ‘schnitty’. Strong family values. Emotionally intelligent. The whole of Australia is shipping Tara and Bachie hard and then HE goes in for the smooch coz she’s
left pasta on her lips and Bachie’s still peckish just so irresistible so you know she’s GOTTA be top of the leaderboard now.
Off to the group date, Fifty Shades of Leah, Nat the Nutter, Georgia Love 2.0, Hockeyroo Elise, Non-Intruder Elora and ‘She’ll Wet Her Pants If She Jumps Out A Plane’ Simone are the chosen ones to fling themselves out a plane to declare their unwavering love for Bach.
It’s both deliciously entertaining and horrifying to entertain the thought that the producers almost certainly asked the girls to complete a multiple choice questionnaire on fears before casting. So we witness Simone crap her pants at every angle before she victoriously flings herself off the plane and wins some one-on-one time with Bachie for her bravery.
It’s Cocktail Party tiiiiime! Hockeyroo Elise takes the plunge to go fishing with Bachie for clues about her life. She loves families! Bachie is impressed. She reveals she’s a Hockeyroo! Bachie is not as impressed.
Meanwhile, Michelle the Manhandler decides it’s time she plucks up the courage to talk to her shared boyfriend. She gets cockblocked by Non-Intruder Elora, Georgia Love 2.0 and co.
Jennifer de Vil gets antsy and steals the Bachie. Some girls get miffed. Nothing else exciting happens.
The Rose Ceremony comes around and of course Exotic Florence, Coal Miner Cobie, Georgia Love 2.0, Jennifer de Vil and Sharlene – WHO IS SHARLENE?!?!??! – stay. Nat the Nutter is sent packing. Hurry up Bach, I need to see more DRAMAHHHH. FAST!
Feature image via Giphy.