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#KettleBlack on The Bachelor Australia Recap S5 E7

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Tonight on The Bachelor Australia, it was the Tale of Double Standards, where we learn what men and women are and are not allowed to do as their profession. But before we dive in to the DRAMAHHHH, let’s kick it off with a single date for Alix the Body Painter!

Bachie arrives at the Mansion to whisk Alix the Body Painter off for some unnecessary driving scenes – yay! He invites Sister Kate to grill the remaining girls on their intentions for him.


On the single date, they arrive at a beach where the only point is for them to ogle one another in bathers. Alix the Body Painter gets the tick of approval in a bikini. Hetero women across the country are once again fulfilled with the contractually obligated shirtless scenes of Bachie, too.

Bachie is a show-off on the wakeboard and Alix the Body Painter does pretty damn well for her first time ever.

Meanwhile, murmurs back at the mansion from the girls suggest Shady Fifty Shades of Leah is hiding a deep dark secret. Fifty Shades of Leah is saying she’s in ‘events & party planning’ while studying architecture.

The girls reckon she needs to spill that those events include taking her top off for money. Because it’s okay for previous Bachies Tim & Blake to take their top off for money, but not a chick. #feminism


Back at the beach, Alix the Body Painter and Bachie celebrate surviving wakeboarding with bubbles on a couch and a sensual massage that turns into a really awkward friendly back rub. Alix gets a rose. Alix then tells Bachie how uncomfortable it is to have to think of other contestants going on dates with her shared boyfriend. Bachie ain’t happy.

Now it’s time to pick Tara the Nanny, Fifty Shades of Leah, Georgia Love 2.0, Jennifer de Vil, Lisa The Winner and Hockeyroo Elise for a group date as they prove they possess mandatory maternal instincts to win Bachie’s affections!


Sister Kate uses the opportunity to grill Leah even more. Non-Intruder Elora had told Kate it’s bad news because she could be an exotic dancer WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS, KETTLE BLACK.

On the group date, the 6 girls get assigned one child to create a volcano in Art Attack. Surprisingly Jennifer de Vil and unsurprisingly Tara the Nanny charge ahead of the pack, while Lovealike Laura‘s child refuses to work with her.


It doesn’t matter anyway, because Bachie has bribed the child to play nice with Lovealike Laura so she wins the challenge and he can then mack on with Georgia Love 2.0 once more.

The girls return to the mansion to yell over the top of one another. Fifty Shades of Leah storms out.

At the Cocktail Party, Bachie enquires about Leah’s side business and says it ain’t a problem but he wishes he had’ve known sooner, like that’s something you bring up with someone you’ve spent 7 minutes with. He does the same with ex-topless waitress Simone who just blubbers a lot.


Bachie then pulls Fifty Shades of Leah aside to send her home, not coz of her business but because he’s sick of her bullying the girls. Leah’s parting words are an expletive and grave warnings of everyone else’s ‘dirty laundry’. FAREWELL, ROSE CEREMONY! FAREWELL, SHADY LEAH!

Feature image via Giphy.

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