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Local Shopper Plays Apex Legends For 12 hours Straight To Train For Aldi Checkout – P1NG


Jess Chalmers has been training for her moment of truth. Her weekly shopping trip is tomorrow, and she has to be prepared. Jess just finished playing Apex Legends on her PC for 12 hours straight, but why?

“I’ve spent the last four months of my life working towards this one goal: beating the ALDI checkout dudes,” Jess said to our reporter, with an unprecedented level of drive in her eyes.

ALDI Food Store is known for their cashiers who scan items really fast, causing stress and panic for the uninitiated shopper. Jess has a black belt and is hoping to join the Australian Defence Force, so she’s no chump.

“Who says video games can’t prepare you for hand-to-hand combat?”

Suddenly, Jess yelled “OI!” at the top of her lungs, and a young man appeared, presumably her partner. He started massaging her fingers with hand cream.

“It’s always good to have love and support during a challenging time in your life”, smiled Jess.

“He’s not allowed to shop with me though, he’ll slow me right down!”

Despite her aching hands, Jess was positive she was in great shape.

“After I win this bitch at the shops tomorrow, I’ll be training for the Starcraft tournaments in South Korea.”

More to come.

Words by Stefan.
‘P1NG’ logo by Nick.
‘Player One News Gatherers’ (‘P1NG’) is Player One’s Investigative Journalism Unit

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