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SYN 90.7

Simone Becomes Interesting, Gets Eliminated – The Bachelor Recap S5 E11

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Jennifer de Vil is a ‘gonna! Hurrah! But Simone is still whining! Fear not, surely her time is nearly up. Let’s proceed to deconstruct Ep 11 of The Bachelor, Season 5!

Georgia Love 2.0 gets picked to go on ANOTHER single date with Bachie. Simone is not having a bar of it.

Then they meet a psychic, who’s none other than Jackie Gillies. This imposter with the enormous lips tells Georgia Love 2.0 that she’s just not good enough as the second rate model. They’re doomed! Bachie does not look concerned.

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Georgia Love 2.0 and Bachie then gaze aimlessly at the stars and pray for a better future.

The pair sit down for more couch wine time. Bachie demands Georgia Love 2.0 opens her box of feeeeels, and she tells him she’s falling for him. It’s so exhausting. Obviously Bachie must now dump her. *Cue the pash*

Then off at the group date that everyone’s invited on, it’s an exhausting – and confusing – trip down memory lane.

Bachie must first match the t-shirt with the former child to each contestant. Simone is a secret ranga but denies it for days.

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Osher makes for endless commentary laughing in the background – and loudly. It’s beautiful.

Each girl must ‘pop a balloon’ chiseled in between them and Bachie. Tara CYA MATE The Nanny owns it, by climbing atop the Bachie train and going to town.

Then the girls have to pin the love heart on Bachie, but it’s only time until Simone goes for his package. She is forced to defend herself. She compliments Bachie Johnson’s Johnson.

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Next up, each girl has to share a memento of their past. Exotic Florence chooses to reveal her voodoo doll in use against Fifty Shades of Leah/Jennifer de Vil. Oops.

Cobie Coal Miner apparently can sing.

But the BEAUTY of this date is Simone is once again humiliated, with her Mum stitching her up with her non-existent ballet flats from her childhood. She rolls with the story for some reason, lying her way through a ballet interrogation with Bachie. Why?!?!?!

But there must be a winner from this twisted group date.

Despite Simone lying her way through her fake childhood, fake hair, fake co-curricular activities and fondling with his package, she bows out to Hockeyroo Elise.

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Hockeyroo Elise and Bachie go and sit on another wine couch, talk about sweet nothings and have another pash.

Rose Ceremony time and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS.

Except for the inevitable.

Simone gets booted.

Just after she’s earnt herself a nickname.

So long, Fake Ballet Dancing Junk Touching Secret Ranga Simone. We won’t miss you.

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