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SYN 90.7

Snagged by Tara: The Bachelor Recap S5 E10

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Dramatic, uplifting music plays. It’s time for the episode of The Bachelor where we finally see the Devil booted from the house. So let’s get cracking on ep 10, shall we?

Jennifer de Vil‘s girl Michelle the Manhandler was eliminated last night. Surely ‘her girl’ knew it was coming, though, as Michelle had asked to leave earlier?!

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There’s an obvious divide in the house between the ‘nice’ ones: Tara CYA MATE The Nanny, Hockeyroo Elise, Exotic Florence and Lisa No Longer The Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.
Then there’s Non-Intruder Elora, Jennifer de Vil and Simone together, with Georgia Love 2.0 and Coal Miner Cobie to the side.
3 girls – Elise, Simone and Jen – are still without single dates. Whose turn will it be next? Or will it be another second single date?
Osher arrives and goes off script to inject the funny: I know you ladies only want me for one thing.

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Bachie has blown the budget on the My Kitchen Rules campaign so he’s now forced to catch public transport to take Hockeyroo Elise on her first single date.
They spend it on a bus comparing athleticism. Bachie then picks flowers to woo the girl.
They arrive at the Harbour Bridge. Behind ‘Matty’s Lemonade Stand’ is a hockey setup for Hockeyroo Elise. They dive atop one another in a fleeting moment of romance. JUST KISS HIM, Elise. Everyone else has! But alas, the moment is gone.
Bachie has managed to convince Channel Ten he can rehash one of their previously used boats for some nighttime action.

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DAY TIME.. NIGHT TIME!
There’s something I’d like to show you at the front of the boat, says Bachie. The bridge? asks Hockeyroo Elise. Did you bring Osher along? she beams. Something even better!
Bachie has forced Hockeyroo Elise into a bikini to seal a smooch. Elise dances the traditional where-do-I-put-my-champers-while-macking-on-in-a-sea-spa-with-the-Bachelor dance and we are here for it. Whoop, out comes a rose.
On the group date, all the girls are invited to play beach cricket. I’ve forgotten who is on what team, or that this is a competition. Non-Intruder Elora has not forgotten. All I can hear is Jennifer de Vil whining about manning up on Elora for “strategy”. Jen also notes that Lisa is not a threat because she’s not taking it seriously.

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Next is the famous Aussie beach game, the Thong Toss. Non-Intruder-and-also-Exotic Elora quickly hides her excitement, because ‘thong’ means underwear in her native tongue.
Jen and Lisa are the only remaining contenders. Lisa is apparently cheating because she is “a metre” away from the esky and “tall”. Jen now backtracks: at this point, Lisa is my biggest competition.
Now for beach volleyball. Lisa’s team wins. Tara, Lisa, Elora and Cobie have a BBQ victory party with the Bach.
Tara takes the sausage with her for a chat with Bachie.

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Meanwhile, Lisa says she feels bad she doesn’t have strong feelings for Bachie, because,oh you know, she’s only played a single tennis match with him OVER A MONTH AGO.
Back to Tara chat, she’s winning Bachie’s heart and the nation’s. Girls hog you and shit, it’s so annoying.
At the Cocktail Party, Bachie takes Jennifer de Vil for a chat. Jen decides to throw Lisa under the bus for not feeling the need to fling herself at Bachie for his affections. Lisa is taken aside to defend herself and I’m feeling horrible for her. And, according to Jennifer de Vil’s latest yarn, Lisa had to prove she never said Bachie is only in the house to “raise his social profile”.

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All the girls just overheard their conversation.
Hockeyroo Elise confronts Jennifer de Vil about spinning such elaborate yarns. I’m closer with Matty than I am with Lisa so that’s where my loyalty lies, she says. The girls starts attacking her for her sociopathic tendencies. I DIDN’T DO IT IN A MALICIOUS WAY, she fake cries. I didn’t do anything to deserve this and I’m being f*cking slammed for it.

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Jennifer de Vil can’t bear to be left rose-less in the Rose Ceremony, so she storms out of the House with luggage in tow. Then, she delivers TV fabricated gold: I’m the girl that walked away from Matty J. Bitch, pls. The Villain is dead.
Feature image via Giphy.

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